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This week’s concern is about one of my preferred topics: sex on the road!

Hi Kate,

I’m a big fan of your blog. I’m planning to travel the world and I’ve been reading different blogs to get concepts as well as to figure out where to begin as well as exactly how to set things up/etc.

I’m not sure who to ask as well as I feel sheepish asking however one of my greatest worries is sex.  I tend to be a serial monogamist as well as always in a connection so I get sex extremely regularly.  I’ve had lots of sex partners (I’m in my 30s as well as have been sexually active for half my life so the numbers add up) however I have only had 1 one night stand.

What have you seen amongst backpackers on the road?  Do backpackers discover connections or is it generally of the one night stand variety?  It’s not that I’m opposed to one night stands.  I most likely will have them however I’m anxious about my “number” getting as well high.  I’m already at 17 as well as I believe that’s high.  What’s your sense of the backpackers’ “numbers”?

Any advice?

During my freshman year of college, I was understood as my dorm floor’s “condom lady.”  I would hang out with the girls, hear them speaking about hooking up with people they had been flirting with over AIM, as well as I would hand out condoms to the women who needed them.

“Do you have a condom?” I’d ask my buddies on their method out the door.

“No, however he’ll most likely have one.”

And I’d sigh as well as get hold of a condom of my own to hand to her.  Soon, the word got out, as well as women would show up at my door with a sheepish smile, asking if I had any type of extras I might spare.

Why didn’t these women have condoms of their own?  Because they were ashamed.  The sheer act of having condoms indicated that they were planning on potentially having sex with somebody they weren’t currently dating, as well as were as a result acting “slutty.”  These women would danger STIs as well as pregnancy over admitting that they had sex on their minds.

A decade later, slut-shaming is still as prevalent as ever — as well as I satisfy lady after lady basing her self-worth on her sexual behavior, attributing pity to any type of sexual habits that is outside connections as well as any type of number of sexual partners that is beyond her personal meaning of an “acceptable” number.  And don’t get me started on exactly how women as well as women cut each other down — that’s a whole different post.

It must be getting much better — however it seems like nothing is changing.

Women still deeply internalize this shame.  It seems such as this is one of the last frontiers we requirement to cross.  I look to intelligent as well as worldly women writers that I admire, as well as in the middle of their gorgeous travel prose, they’ll add a smiling, “But don’t be slutty!”

My message to you: stop providing it so much value to your “number.”  It is meaningless.  If you’re risk-free as well as wise about sex, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve had 17 partners or 200, as well as the ideal future partner will not care about that number whatsoever.  That number does not figure out whether you’re a great person, a wise person, a caring person.  It does not indicate that you’re damaged goods.

Sex on the Road

On the backpacker trail, people online in the present as well as type friendships instantly.  It doesn’t matter who you are or what you did in your pre-backpacking life.  You have no embarrassing stories connected to your past. people don’t talk about what they do for a living; they talk about where they’ve been, where they’re going, as well as exactly how long they’ve been traveling.

An atmosphere this open as well as friendly, as you may imagine, is extremely inviting for sex.

Is sex typical on the backpacker trail?  Absolutely, particularly locations like Asia where a personal space is as inexpensive as a dorm bed.  If you want to discover sex with a fellow backpacker, you’ll most likely have no problem, especially in celebration towns.  Sex absolutely occurs between travelers as well as locals as well. (Sidenote: if you’re trying to find hot locals, I suggest you head to Spain or Bali.  YUM.)

As for relationships, these are absolutely typical as well.  I’ve seen lots of backpackers suddenly discover themselves in connections during their time on thenull